Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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