Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
