I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
