I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
