my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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