I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need moral support for this bender
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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