3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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