I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's Friday. Sex?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
