i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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