just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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