Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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