awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
