After last night, I could never be a politician.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
