yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
its liver damage thursday
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
