I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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