margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
