It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
two words: eviction party
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
