you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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