I want to stick my p in your. b.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
