I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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