so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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