dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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