I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
