Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
