3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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