my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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