I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
