I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
