Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
