I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
