it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
