hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
is it fun? or sober?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
