So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
