At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
