Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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