I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
