I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
