my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please, let me fuck your mom
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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