We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
