the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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