One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
