Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
