when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
