I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
