Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
