the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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