no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
