in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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