there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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