I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
