She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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