you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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