Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
