there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
