I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
