I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize