Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
