Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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