I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have tasted many bathrooms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
