I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
