If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
