she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Houston, we have a blender
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
