fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
