hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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