Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
