Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
