Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
