I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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