we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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