If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he thought i was a dude.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
