so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
