he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
