I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
