I wish my penis had an off switch
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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