Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
