You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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