They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You ruined the universe
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize