evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
