I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
