and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
