u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
