Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Two words: nipple clamps
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