ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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