Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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