I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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