I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
