If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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