i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
