listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Randomize
