I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize