your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Still dying that you shit outside
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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