HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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