i just had sex bonerless
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
