She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
