ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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