I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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