hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
