So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
