I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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