Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
