So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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