just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
