I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
