Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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