i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
