that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
