Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is the high leading the old right now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
